Tuesday, May 13, 2008

Did You Know.........

After extensive research, I have uncovered the truth. In the early 1950's, the US Government did an extensive experiment involving all races, religions, and sexes. This experiment consisted of endless rigorous water exercises.

What exactly prompted this research into these experiments you ask. When I was in Boot Camp, while treading water for 5 minutes(that's the required time), I happened to notice that there were some bleachers. Upon the bleachers, sat the people that supposedly didn't know how to swim. As if, they were on a ship and it sank, they wouldn't have to worry about it. They don't know how to swim so God in his extreme benevolence would bestow upon them a set of bleachers that would miraculously float above the water. Unfortunately, if you knew how to swim you would be forced to swim and possibly drowned. How unfortunate for you that you learned how to swim at a young age. It was impossible for anyone who knew how to swim to attain the bleachers. The bleacher phenomenon was proven during the Government testing and there is no other explanation than God will save those who can't swim and smite those who do.

So, while treading water it came to mind that 5 minutes wasn't that long and how come it was only 5 minutes. Well I soon found out. After experiencing first hand and then confirming my suspicions during my research, it came to be known that black people can't tread water for more than 5 minutes(the few who actually know how to swim). It's true, I don't know why, it's just the way it is. For those few black people who God granted the ability to swim, he gave them the handicap of 5 minutes total. He also gave them the ability to repel water. Have you ever seen a black person get out of the water? The water just beads and falls right off of them.

Well, during the Government experiment it was discovered that after the 5 minutes were up and the black people who weren't on the bleachers had drowned, it was possible for those still alive to lash all their bodies together and make a raft. This raft worked extremely well. Since the bodies of the black people physically repelled the water, the raft became in all actuality a hover craft that the survivors could climb upon and ride to safety.

There was also no fear of the raft being attacked and eaten by sharks since the meat of a black person is the most unsatisfactory meal of all time.....trust me....I know.

Now, black people are not the only people afflicted with certain swimming stigmas. Mexicans also have to deal with adversity when it comes to water. There is only one way for a Mexican person to swim in the water. They must swim while floating on their back, hence the term Wet Back. It was discovered during the testing that if a Mexican were to turn over from floating on their back while in the water, they would sink like a stone.

Not only was this a problem for the Mexicans, it was also a problem for the Border Patrol. With all the Mexicans crossing the Rio Grande, some were bound to turn over, sink and drown. The problem with this, is the fact that once they sank, their skin blended into the silt and mud on the bottom of the river and their was no way to recover the body. So over time, the bottom of the Rio Grande got higher and higher until there was no need for the illegals to even swim across the river anymore. They could just walk across on the wet backs of their deceased bretheren.

Asians were in the same boat as white people. They just had to wait 5 minutes or wait for all the Mexicans to roll over. However, many an Asian was sacraficed to the sharks. This had to do with the fact that sharks also love Asian food, just like everyone else. Also, no matter how much you eat within minutes you are hungry again, so the sharks would continuously come back for more and more Asian.

Although, if you want to think about it. It is worth saying that black people are the smarter persons since they tend to not learn how to swim, all they have to do is sit on the bleachers and then there is no fear of drowning.

It should be pointed out that religion has nothing to do with surviving in the water and women still can't do anything better than men.

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