Anti-Christ

So it has come to my attention, and I don't know why I didn't realize this before, but Bill and Ted are The Anti-Christ. Hear me out now. If you have seen the Bill and Ted movies, you know that in the future they will bring about One World Peace and Government. Hmmm, sounds an awful lot like what that one books says... Oh yeah, The Bible. So in the future, Wyld Stallyons in all actuality will bring about the end of the world. I wonder why they didn't show that in the movies. They sure hid that fact well by having the Anti-Christ played by two inept, retarded (although hilarious) surfers kids. So that whole thing about the Wyld Stallyons saving the future and mankind is one big lie.

John Wayne is dead

It's a new year and you know what that means: the beginning of the end of the world. Whether it be robots, aliens, buses, clones, zombies, vampires, whatever. That's not the issue. The question you gotta ask yourself is:

Who is gonna rise up and be mankind's savior when the shit goes down? Will Smith, maybe Arnold Schwarzengger or perhaps Keanu Reeves?

Jesus, you say? Still waiting on his return. I'm talking about if the shit went down tomorrow.

Words To The Wise!!

These words of wisdom that I am relaying to you come from my own experience last night. It was late, we were both really tired. We were driving through Northern California. There was not very much traffic. So I was occasionally switching my lights from high to low beam.

If you have never driven in Northern California in the middle of the night, let me explain how you can achieve the full effect. Go into your closet or bathroom, make sure no light can get into either of these rooms, and then shut the light off in the room. Now close your eyes, see how dark it is? That is how dark it is.

So, we were driving just waiting to get to my parents house. When out of nowhere my wife says, "Do they have high beams with different settings, like low, medium or high?" Now mind you we were both really tired. So, being tired I assumed she knew something about the cars headlights that I didn't. So I reached down to the headlight switch and attempted to place it in high. Unfortunately for me, there is only one setting for high beams, that is why they call them high beams. That is the setting.

So I flipped the switch, remember how dark it was in that closet. Well, when I flipped that switch, I was in that closet. The whole world went dark. I non chalantly turned to my wife and stated, "There's off." That was the only other setting I found, off and on. It then dawned on me that I was driving 80 mph in total darkness. So calmly turned the headlights on, we didn't die and we reached our point of destination.

So the words of wisdom that I have for you are really important. There are no different settings for your high beams. No low, medium or high. There is on and off. That is why they call them high beams. Next point is, do not experiment with your lights when it is so dark that the outside world doesn't even exist. The third little bit of wisdom I am passing on, even if you are extremely tired and the world is about to end, your wife will never know something about your car that you don't know. Once she does know something that you don't know, the world has already ended.