So when I chose a song to rewrite, I had to choose one where you would look at the singer/songwriter and say "What a fag, I could kick his/her ass!" Then I had to choose a song where that would be the complete opposite of what would actually happen.
James Blunt served as a captain in the British Army. Granted, it's the British Army, but you can bet your ass that the training required to make captain involves learning several techniques that would see to it that he could whoop my ass six ways to Sunday before I land a single womanly slap. To make matters worse (for me), during the war in Kosovo, Blunt was put in charge of leading 30,000 troops into the Kosovan capital. So not only could he fuck me up proper, he's the type of dude that people put in charge of ordering around tens of thousands of other men fully capable of doing the same.
Oh....Really!!!!
My Bowel Movements (My Butt Is Full)
: By Jared Hubbard
Written to the music of:
You're Beautiful
: By James Blunt
My bowel movements
-
My bowel movements
My butt is raw
I ate some Mexican
And now it burns
It came on me on the subway
It happened in my pants
But I am not too worried
Cause I've got Depends
-
My butt is full, my butt is full
My butt is full, of poo
And I shit my pants in a crowded place
And there is nothing I can do
Cause I can't control my poo
-
Yes, it burns my ass
Even when it's gas
You could see in my face that it had
Made a mess
I don't know if it will wash out but
I know I can buy more pairs of pants
-
My butt is full, my butt is full
My butt is full, of poo
And I shit my pants in a crowded place
And there is nothing I can do
Cause I can't control my poo
-
Poo poo poo poo poo poo poo poo
-
My butt is full, my butt is full
My butt is full, of poo
I had the worst shit, with a wince on my face
When some ran into my shoe
I have come to face the truth
I'll never be done with poo
