Pope Declares War On The Jews

Conversation a friend and I had on the way to work.


Leo: The Pope's a Nazi. I was trying to prove to people at work yesterday that the Pope, used to be a Nazi.

Me: They didn't believe you?

Leo: No. I even showed them proof that he was in the Nazi Army and was a member of the Hitler Youth Program. Yeah, maybe he went AWOL from the Nazi Army and was captured by the Allies and was a POW for the rest of the war. Maybe, the Hitler Youth Program was mandatory. But in my book, he wore the uniform and was in the Nazi Army.

Me: I think I see where you're going with this.

Leo: Yeah. He was a Nazi.

Me: So, he was a Nazi and then became Pope, does this mean all Catholics hate Jews. I think so. But then, everybody hates Jews. There is only one thing people hate almost as much as a Jew and that is a Polish person.

Leo: Ahh. Does that mean I suck almost as much as a Jew?

Me: Yeah, people hate you. But at least you can look down on the Jews. Poles are a step above the Jews, so you got that going for you. There is only one thing worse than a Pole or a Jew and that is a Polish Jew. That is one thing I would never want to be, especially during WWII. Even now, what could people hate worse.

Leo: You know, I have never seen or met a Polish Jew.

Me: Yeah, you can thank Hitler for that...............and the Pope.

Some Super Hero Truths!

Have you ever noticed how you never see Batman and billionaire socialite Bruce Wayne together? Now you may brush this off as meaningless since the two have no reason to even know one another, but there have been many reported instances where Bruce Wayne mysteriously disappeared just moments before Batman showed up on the scene. Is this coincidence, or is this simply undeniable evidence of THE TRUTH--

Bruce Wayne is avoiding Batman!

What kind of white collar crimes is Wayne Enterprises involved in? What does its chairman have to hide? And why have so many gadgets gone missing from its tech department? To which country is Wayne selling these weapons? And what does this have to do with 9/11?

Don't let yourself be blinded by the glitz! Don't let your voices be silenced! Seek the truth! Speak the truth!

TRUTH!

Well, do you think that it could be that Bruce Wayne is Batman?

Nah, that's ridiculous. What am I talking about?

The TRUTH is that Bruce Wayne is a Nazi. He amassed his fortune by stealing from the millions of Jewish people that died during the holocaust. He tried to hide his Swedish ancestry by changing his name (originally Bruch Vanyegaz)

Batman is a a reputed Nazi-Hunter (As comic #4560, Don't Jew dare!, pub 1972) and if he were to find out Wayne's ties to the Nazi party he would quickly kidnap Bruce Wayne and ship him off to Israel for a war crimes tribunal.

It also occurs to me that not many people hang around when Batman shows up. Would it be unreasonable for me to suggest that Bruce Wayne simply wants to avoid bodily harm and so flees at the first sign of danger, before Batman arrives. I mean he's just a rich playboy, he has no business getting mixed up in the criminal. Just because these two aren't seen together is no reason to start coming up with bizarre rumors and speculation.


I'm more concerned with that Clark Kent guy who works at the Daily Planet.

He must work out quite a lot, but you never see him in the gym. In fact, when Superman appears Clark conveniently disappears, which is strange, because if Clark took off his glasses....

....Hold on a sec....That's it!

Clark is a distant relative of Superman and disappears to use his journalistic insider info to contact Superman and have him appear in a split second! Clark Kent is always seen fleeing from trouble, no wonder Lois Lane has the hots for Superman instead.

Also, I know this guy called Peter, who lives with his aunt in a tiny apartment in New York. What a sad fuck.

The Official Mel Gibson Police Report

Date: July 29, 2006

Time: 2:36 a.m.

Location: Pacific Coast Highway, Malibu, CA.

Offense: DUI

Description of Events:

2006 Lexus going 87 mph in 45 mph road. Upon hearing sirens, the vehicle slowed and started running strange patterns on highway. I stopped vehicle and asked Mr. Gibson why he was doing "donuts" on the Pacific Coast Highway. Gibson advised that he would never do "donuts" because the "Jews control all donut production in the world." He further advised that "Munchkins were invented by greedy Jews who wanted to turn a profit even on the donut holes."

Mr. Gibson then failed the field sobriety test in all respects: recited alphabet in German rather than in English as requested; repeatedly gave the Zeig Heil salute when attempting to touch nose; could not walk a straight line. (In fairness to Mr. Gibson, he increased the difficulty of the task by insisting on walking in goose step fashion while wearing jackboots.)

After attempting to flee the scene, Gibson shouted that "Jews are responsible for all the wars in the world." These outbursts continued for the next five minutes. Mr. Gibson claimed the Jews were also responsible for:

the death of Jesus;

the impalement of William Wallace;

the disfigurement of The Man Without A Face;

the ransoming of his son;

the plot holes in Signs;

and the overall shitiness of The Million Dollar Motel.



Attempting to inject some levity into this tense situation, I quoted Danny Glover from the Lethal Weapon movies and said, "I'm getting too old for this shit." My joke appeared successful as Mr. Gibson smiled. It turned out, however, that Mr. Gibson was merely relieving himself in his pants. At this point, Mr. Gibson attempted to play off his behavior as "research." He claimed to be doing a movie about the son of a Jew-hating New Yorker who denies the Holocaust ever happened and then moves his family to Australia. The son returns to the States where he stars in action movies until he finds his true calling of making films about martyrs while drunkenly offending Jews. When asked about the title of this project, Gibson panicked, screamed "Jews eat babies!" and once again wet himself.

After being handcuffed, Mr. Gibson' mood changed for the better. He became more cooperative, repeatedly asking to be flogged while wearing a crown of thorns. As we are the LAPD, we were able to accommodate half of that request. The remainder of the arrest was uneventful, with the exception of Mr. Gibson screaming, "Freedom!" out the back of the police car on the drive to the station.