A Message From the Wise Old Owl

Recently I have noticed something very disturbing in serious relationships that have just started or have just ended. They have brought to my attention a serious plaque in what I call "loving into status" or "pedestal jumping." Well animal kingdom, gather to the podium so we can correct this serious dilemma before its to late.

Let us start with our first subject. A friend of mine, which I have known for years, has recently married a wonderful women. He was always an outcast growing up. You know the type: listens to that different kind of music, has numerous piercings and tattoos, no friends. The only thing he wanted was acceptance growing up. His wife is a different story. Very popular growing up. Total 180 from her new husband. Suddenly I have seen a change in his personality that matches hers and not what his used to be. This guy has not changed for twenty some odd years and now he has grown up. He has "changed for the better." That is what it looks like from the surface.

Let us catch up with another kind of Jones'. Another friend of mine is now getting a divorce. Through his relationship, he was pushed by his significant other to be what she wanted in a man. He lived his life for what she wanted him to be without being himself or having a personality of his own. When he could not live up to this personality she thought he was a fake and a phony. She felt betrayed and called it over. Now he does not know what to live for. He does not know what he likes to do or what purpose he has.

What do both of these scenarios have in common? Both of these guys decided to live their life through their wife. One is just starting to and one just ending. By the way, don't think it doesn't happen to females because I have seen women live their life through a man in the navy. All my shipmates can back me up on this. All these wives of captains and commanders using their husbands status to control other sailor wives and sailors. It is one of the worst things in the navy and one of the many reasons I am getting out."Hey wife of somebody important, you don't get paid by the government for the rank of such and such so if you try to tell me or, if I had one, my wife to do something don't be surprised if you get a little chuckle with no compliance and a big laugh behind your back. You are just a joke to everyone."

This is not a pleasant subject and I would probably say if it is happening to you, you don't know it. "Loving into status" stems from low self confidence from not just one partner but both partners. The person that lives their life through their partner is looking for the key to acceptance. Looking for the partner that will give them the confidence they need to be happy and successful. On the other end, the partner in control, needs that person that they will always win against so they can always compare how great they are. They will achieve this by making sure the other person knows how terrible they are.

If you are in this type of relationship, then you will probably not recognize this because that is the way life goes. You will find this out when it is to late and you regret all the time wasted. I am talking to all those animals that are single and are playing the dating game or just starting a relationship. Just be yourself! Yeah, yeah, every year book says it and of course you always think: you are yourself because who else would you be. I am just saying you don't need someone else to define you and you don't need someone else to live through or up to. Forget your heroes because you don't need to be a hero and no one needs to be yours. You are yourself and it doesn't matter what anybody else wants. Life is about what you want. But maybe it's none of my business and I don't know what I am talking about. I'll let it be.